papa jeff’s wedding is in 5 days

I feel like a failure as a friend…  I got a message today from Badit and she was asking me whether I was going to come home for Jeff’s wedding on Friday. :’( I feel terrible. First, I missed Karen & Badit’s 18th birthdays because I was away for school. I think I made it to Apay’s debut (though I feel terrible because I vaguely remember). I just made it for Karen’s wedding this year, though I missed her bridal shower, the first ever in our barkada. But now, Jeff’s day has also come and I am not going to be there. I am missing out on some of the most important part of my friends’ lives and I just feel terrible. I’m starting to question whether all this career chasing is worth it. 

What is your picture of success? I used to think I knew what I wanted but now I just feel lost. I wish I had stayed longer and spent more time with my friends than I had. I wouldn’t call myself a success just yet. Just because I’m working in another country doesn’t mean that I’ve made much of my life just yet. And I’m half-way through my twenties and I’m still wondering what’s next. I think I need to start thinking about where I want my life to be headed, and fast. Otherwise, all these missed chances of sharing good times with the best of my friends would have all been in vain. I feel guilty for not being there for them. I feel even guiltier for not being here for myself. I need to start thinking. I mean seriously thinking.

2/8 of us our now considered married. Or maybe it’s 3/8, I’m not sure if dave and shane have gotten married yet :S. See, some friend I am. I have been so detached from them. You’d think in this connected world, we’d all be up to date with everything. I feel guilty. I feel so guilty. I will make a conscious effort to get back in touch with my old friends. Make that one of my resolutions, and before I am 21h, I will find a way for all of us to be together again to share at least one more “chicken dinner” before we go on with the rest of our lives. 

sigh. I’m officially sad.